


Auld Lang Syne

by dazubi



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Background LeoPika - Freeform, Clueless Gon, Love Confessions, M/M, New Year's Eve, New Year's Fluff, New Year's Kiss, Pining Killua Zoldyck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28506816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dazubi/pseuds/dazubi
Summary: As the years have passed and they’ve gotten older, Killua and his friends have started finding more and more excuses to see each other that have nothing to do with fighting an enemy or going on a journey. They’ve scheduled trips simply to see each other—to revel in the fact that they’re alive and that they even have each other. In particular, bringing in the new year together has become a tradition over the years.The town they decide to meet up in this year for New Year's has a peculiar tradition—a good luck New Year's kiss. The tradition makes it hard for Killua to continue hiding his growing feelings for Gon. However, it also makes Gon think about some things he's never thought about before—love, and what it means to love someone who doesn't love you back.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 16
Kudos: 106





	Auld Lang Syne

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Year's everyone! I meant to finish and post this yesterday ofc, but I was dead tired all day and didn't really do much of anything yesterday. One day late isn't bad, though, is it?
> 
> This turned out a bit differently than I had planned, but I hope you all enjoy anyways! And I hope you also have a wonderful new year!

As the years have passed and they’ve gotten older, Killua and his friends have started finding more and more excuses to see each other that have nothing to do with fighting an enemy or going on a journey. They’ve scheduled trips simply to see each other—to revel in the fact that they’re _alive_ and that they even have each other. No one says any of that aloud, except Gon sometimes, but there is a shared understanding between them all.

Bringing in the new year together has become a tradition over the years, as long as none of them are off on some adventure. And over time, they’ve all made extra preparations in order to ensure they’re _not_ off on some adventure for New Year’s so that they can all spend it together.

This year is no exception. Killua, Alluka, Gon, Leorio, and Kurapika met up in a quaint town near Zaban City yesterday. Killua has noticed a few changes in his friends—Kurapika’s hair is longer, going a little past his shoulders; Leorio got new glasses that Killua thinks fit his face a little better; Gon has grown a little taller, although he’s still a couple inches shorter than Killua.

He and Gon see each other frequently, although they haven’t gone back to traveling together full-time like they had when they were kids. Killua will join Gon on a mission for a while, or vice versa, before they both go their separate ways afterwards. He estimates that he spends close to half the year with Gon and half without him; a nice, necessary balance.

Not because there are any hard feelings between him and Gon. Their actions from when they were children are long-forgiven, and practically forgotten. In fact, it’s almost the opposite—and that scares Killua.

He realized his feelings for Gon weren’t the same that he had for the rest of his friends the first time they’d all met up. He noticed the way Leorio and Kurapika’s gazes met each other’s more often than not and the soft blush that would inevitably follow afterwards, the way they held hands when they thought he and Gon weren’t looking, the way spoke in hushed tones whenever they were alone, faces impossibly close.

He’d brought this up to Gon later, and they both had come to the same conclusion: Leorio and Kurapika were intimate. Whether that meant they were dating or whatever was beside the point.

Killua had been shocked to find that every longing gaze they directed at each other reminded him too much of his own that he directed towards Gon. He began noticing his quickened heartbeat whenever Gon gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder or was looking at him for too long. He realized that the sour feeling he’d get in the back of his throat whenever he saw Gon talking to a girl a little _too_ much was jealousy. And every time they reunited, Killua was scared to find that his desire for more grew bigger and harder to ignore, and burned hotter and more feverish.

Today, they all agree to spend the day enjoying the city’s New Year’s festival in the center of the town. Killua, Gon, and Alluka’s hotel is on the opposite side of the city as Leorio and Kurapika’s, so they meet up at the festival.

Finding them is a little tough, however, as there are massive amounts of people and things to do.

Alluka and Gon—two peas in a pod, Killua has discovered since the two of them have started spending time together over the years—stop at every booth or activity that catches their eye. In other words, they stop at almost every single attraction in the festival.

“C’mon, guys. We need to find Leorio and Kurapika,” Killua calls, knowing it’s probably in vain. “Leorio said they’re on the northeast side.”

Nothing. Alluka and Gon are thoroughly entertained by some paper fans for sale at the booth they’ve stopped at. “Ooh, that one matches your eyes!” Alluka coos.

Killua sighs, and decides to try a different tactic.

“Oi, you guys want dango?” Two pairs of eyes meet his immediately, paper fans forgotten. “Leorio and Kurapika are getting some dango. Let’s go find them.”

Alluka grins toothily. “Dango! Yay, I want dango.”

“I guess we’re running kind of late, aren’t we?” Gon has the nerve to look sheepish after thirty minutes of Killua trying to herd the two of them to go and find their friends. Killua rolls his eyes.

“I’m sure they’re making out or something, it’s probably not that big a deal,” Killua murmurs before leading the two of them in the general direction their friends should be.

“Yeah, but they can make out whenever,” Gon affirms with a finger in the air resolutely. “We only have today and tomorrow with them, so we need to spend as much time together as possible!”

Killua snickers. “Yeah, I guess.”

Of course, Gon’s resolve only lasts a moment. As soon as he sees something else flashy that catches his eye, he is off immediately, Alluka not far behind.

 _These two are going to be the death of me_ , Killua can’t help but think.

Killua joins them at the booth that’s caught their eye this time. It’s a game to catch goldfish. Sighing as loudly as he can muster, he grabs Alluka’s hand before looking over to Gon. He hesitates and feels his heart thud almost painfully hard for a beat before pushing that feeling away and grabbing Gon’s hand also.

Gon’s hand is rough. He has callouses on his knuckles, the sides of his fingers, the crook of his thumb. But it’s warm.

Killua ignores the fact that his mouth has suddenly gone dry. “C’mon, let’s go.” He drags them away from the booth and back in the direction of Leorio and Kurapika. Thankfully, they don’t put up much of a fight as Killua navigates them through the mobs of people and vendors.

Alluka and Gon chat amicably next to him as they walk, but Killua can barely hear them. Gon has shifted their hands so that their fingers are intertwined, Gon’s shorter, thicker fingers weaving through his long and skinny ones with ease. His heartbeat is loud—too loud—in his ears, and he keeps glancing down at his hand in fascination.

Killua knows he shouldn’t be getting so worked up over a simple hand-hold. But it’s not often that he experiences gentle, loving touches. He wonders if he could feel the determined thrum of Gon’s pulse against his own if he presses back hard enough. Wonders if Gon would pull away or not.

“…have you, onii-chan?” Alluka’s voice slices through his reverie.

“What?” He struggles to restrain the startled jump at her voice.

“Have you ever heard of a tradition like that? I haven’t,” she murmurs as an after-thought.

“What tradition?”

Alluka and Gon share amused looks, while Killua at least has the decency to turn a little sheepish. “You weren’t listening to us at all, were you, onii-chan?

“Gon said that this area has a tradition, or more like a good luck charm,” she continues. “They say that right when it turns midnight on the New Year, whatever you’re doing right when it turns midnight is what you’ll be doing the rest of the year.” She puts her other hand up and points her finger matter-of-factedly. “So they say that it’s good luck to give someone a New Year’s kiss. I guess because then it means your love with that person will at least last the year.”

“And because then it means you won’t have a loveless rest of the year,” Gon interjects. “I think it kind of just means good luck or good fortune in general, now. When I heard about it, it sounded like even people who aren’t a couple do it for good luck in the new year.”

“Oh, really?” Killua mumbles, still only half-paying attention. “I’ve never heard of anything like that.”

“Right?” Killua can hear Gon’s wide grin in his words. “It’s cute, though, isn’t it?”

“I guess.” He shrugs. “Does that mean people go around kissing strangers just for good luck?”

Gon’s answering laugh is more of a chime. “Maybe. I’m not sure.”

“That’d be romantic,” Alluka says listlessly.

“Hah? Why in the hell would it be romantic to swap spit with someone you’ve never met?” Killua practically yells, the thought of his little sister kissing _anyone_ making him want to simultaneously vomit and lock her up somewhere safe, much less some random dude he hasn’t had the chance to vet and approve yet.

Her cheeks are colored red as she shrugs. “I don’t know. But what if that person ends up being your soulmate or something?”

Killua rolls his eyes. “You’d probably just end up kissing some dude you’d never see again or who just wants to get in your pants. It’s pretty unlikely you’d just randomly meet and kiss your soulmate.”

“You’re no fun, onii-chan.”

“Do you believe in soulmates, Killua?” Gon asks.

Killua looks over at Gon now, whose eyes shine with curiosity laced with something else that Killua can’t quite put his finger on, something darker.

“Onii-chan can actually be quite the romantic sometimes,” Alluka says. “Just not with kissing random strangers, I guess.”

“Ehh, really?” Gon’s eyes shine brighter now.

Killua exhales sharply, wondering how many eye rolls it’s possible to fit into one conversation. “I don’t really believe in _soulmates_.” He shrugs, looking away. “I guess I do believe that you’re sort of destined to meet certain people. And those people have a significant impact on your life, whether that’s romantic or not.”

“Like how you and I met?”

Killua huffs, but is pleased to find that he doesn’t feel a rush of heat on his face. He’s gotten used to some of the embarrassing things Gon says as they’ve gotten older. “Yeah, I guess. And like Leorio and Kurapika.”

“What about me?” Alluka’s face twists into a teasing pout.

He chuckles, and if he had an extra hand he’d ruffle it in her hair. “Of course, you too. But we’re siblings, so I don’t know if that counts,” he mumbles.

“It counts,” she affirms with a nod.

“Then what about romance?” Gon asks. “Do you not believe in a romantic soulmate?”

He ruminates for a moment, trying to determine the best way to word this without giving his own feelings away. “I don’t know. I think that’s a little harder. What if your soulmate dies? Does that mean you’re destined to be alone for the rest of your life? That’s kinda sad. Or,” he hopes neither of them notice his nervous gulp, “what if your soulmate doesn’t return your love? Is it possible for someone to be your soulmate but you’re not theirs?”

Gon puts his free hand on his chin contemplatively. “Hmm. You’ve thought a lot about this, Killua.”

“N-not really.” He clears his throat. _Oh god, he’s figured me out,_ Killua thinks, his thoughts in a panic. _He sees right through me._ “I mean, we’re kinda at the age where we would’ve dated someone already or something, right? It’s not that weird to think about that stuff, is it?”

“No, it’s not weird at all.” Pure honesty seeps through Gon’s voice, relaxing Killua a little. “I just haven’t thought about it before.”

Alluka points out something that catches her eye at one of the booths, and it’s all Killua can do to keep her from running to go and look. Gon is mostly quiet the whole rest of the way to find Leorio and Kurapika.

When they do find their friends, Killua is glad they had the forethought to get extra dango for Alluka and Gon, who tear into it immediately. Dango usually isn’t sweet enough for Killua’s tastes, but he takes a bite of Alluka’s when she offers.

About two hours left till midnight. The town puts on a firework show, of course, and the night is clear and starry enough to not worry about rain. They decide to stay at the festival until midnight.

Perusing the festival is easier with Kurapika and Leorio there, Killua finds. Alluka and Gon are more apt to listen to Kurapika’s stern chides or Leorio’s blubbering complaints than to Killua by himself. So when the pair have spent too much time at one booth or are about to spend an exorbitant amount of money on a game that is rigged to make you lose, it’s not nearly as difficult to get them to just walk away. Thankfully.

An hour till midnight. “Where should we watch the fireworks from?” Alluka wonders.

“Should we try to avoid the crowds? Find somewhere a little quieter?” Kurapika suggests.

“Yeah, let’s do that,” Leorio grumbles. “Too many people here.”

“What’s wrong, old man? You don’t wanna smooch your honey at midnight with all these people around?” Killua teases. Leorio and Kurapika have become more open about their relationship in previous years, no longer keeping it a secret. Killua uses it as a constant source of material for jokes.

“Shut up, brat,” he says, bringing the hand that’s not grasping Kurapika’s to the top of Killua’s head to ruffle his hair.

“Oi, don’t mess with the ‘do,” Killua mumbles, chasing Leorio’s hand away.

“Yeah, you’re probably one of those guys who spends way too much time putting all kinds of gunk in your hair to make it look, like, effortlessly messy,” Leorio goads. “A douche bag, as most people call them.”

Gon and Alluka each latch onto one of Killua’s arms to hold him back, away from Leorio. “I don’t do that! And at least I’m not balding in my 20s, old man!” Killua snarls, making every effort he can to break free from Gon and Alluka’s grip without hurting either of them.

“Hey, I’m not balding!” Now, Kurapika has to hold Leorio back.

“You two, calm down,” Kurapika orders. “Let’s get back to the point on hand.”

Killua stops wriggling around, but crosses his arms and sticks his tongue out at Leorio. Leorio mirrors him.

“Now, how about we start coming up with ideas on where we should be to watch the fireworks.” Kurapika lets out a long-suffering sigh.

“There’s no hills or anything, but there are some tall trees over there,” Gon says, pointing to the east end of the festival. “We could climb up there, maybe?”

“Ooh, and we can bring some snacks up there and watch the festival too!” Alluka chimes.

So that’s what they do. They stop by the vendors that had their favorite snacks to grab some food and then make their way to the treetops. Leorio complains the whole way up, but the branches up top are sturdy and perfect for sitting and watching the fireworks.

Leorio and Kurapika share a branch while Gon, Killua, and Alluka huddle close together on the next one. Killua ignores the thudding of his heart at Gon’s proximity, reminding himself they’ve been this close before and it shouldn’t be a big deal.

Their voices are more hushed now that they’re away from the hustle and bustle of the festival. Alluka turns to talk to Leorio and Kurapika about some of the games her and Gon played before they all met up. Gon is surprisingly quiet, and has been since their conversation earlier.

“Oi, Gon, are you okay?” Killua asks, nearly a whisper.

“Huh?” Gon blinks at him, face slack. “Yeah, I’m fine, why?”

“I dunno. You’re acting a little weird, is all. Quiet.”

“Am I?” He rubs the back of his head sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. As long as you’re alright.”

“Yeah. I’ve just been thinking about what we were talking about earlier.”

“What? About the New Year’s thing?”

“Mm, kind of. More about what you said about soulmates.”

Killua narrows his eyes. “Really? _That’s_ what you’ve been thinking about?”

“Yeah.” The look in Gon’s eyes intensifies, and Killua finds he can’t look away. “If you’ve thought about all that stuff, have you thought about whether or not you have your own soulmate?”

“I guess.” The words are out before Killua even realizes it, too captivated by Gon’s intense stare.

“And so you don’t think you have one? Or you think that if you do, that’d actually be a really sad thing?”

“I guess,” he repeats softly. Finally, he looks away to really think about Gon’s question. “Being destined to be in love with someone who doesn’t love you back is pretty sad, right?”

Gon is silent for a beat. Then, “Are you in love with someone, Killua?”

Killua’s cheeks heat up, but he is able to keep his calm as he slides his gaze over to Gon. “Why do you ask?”

“Mm, you just seem like maybe you are. Like maybe you love someone who doesn’t love you back.”

He quickly averts his gaze, hoping Gon can’t read the emotions that are surely visible in his eyes. “I dunno.”

“Ehh? So you do?” Gon lays a hand on Killua’s arm, gently shaking him. “Who is it? Do I know her?”

“Shut up, idiot! Not so loud.” He glances over at the rest of their friends, who are thankfully completely absorbed in whatever they’re discussing.

Gon leans in closer to whisper conspiratorially. “Does Alluka know?”

Killua sighs, running a hand through his hair nervously. “No, I don’t think so. I’ve never told anyone. Besides you, apparently.” The irony of it physically hurts—a tight pain flickering across Killua’s chest.

“Wow. Killua’s in love.” Killua doesn’t miss the light flush spreading across Gon’s cheeks.

Killua analyzes the situation, a question burning on his tongue. He considers the flow of this conversation, and decides it’d probably be safe to ask this without giving anything away.

“Do you have someone you love?” He holds a breath in anticipation—he knows that the answer to this has the power to break him.

“Me?” Gon points to himself before looking down thoughtfully. “I don’t know.”

Killua releases the breath. That’s not a no, he realizes. “You haven’t thought about it, have you?”

“No, not really. How did you know?”

“Know what? That I…loved this person?”

“Yeah.”

This is too much. Killua can’t believe he and Gon are talking about this. Gon is probably the last person on earth he wants to talk about this with, but he knows Gon won’t just drop it—his curiosity is piqued, so all Killua can do is try to satisfy it to the best of his abilities without giving anything away.

“I guess…when I realized I wanted to hold their hand maybe? Or just…do anything affectionate like that. I’m not…someone who wants physical contact with other people. I mean, I’ll hug Alluka or hold her hand, I guess. But this was different. So I realized that wasn’t normal.” His thoughts are stuttering, analyzing every word he says to ensure he doesn’t give Gon more information than he needs.

“And you think this person doesn’t love you back?”

He shrugs. “I’m pretty sure.” Even the thought of Gon returning his feelings makes his stomach twist up.

“That’s probably not true, Killua. You’re the most amazing person on earth, they probably love you back. Maybe you just haven’t noticed it yet.”

He takes a deep breath to calm the furious blush on his face and the thudding of his heart. “Nah, if they had feelings for me, they probably would’ve said something by now. They’re that kind of person, y’know?”

Silence for a moment. “You said ‘they.’ Does that mean the person you’re in love with isn’t a girl?”

Killua coughs loudly, thrown off by the question. And he’d been trying so hard not to give anything away, too.

His cough gets the attention of Alluka. “Are you okay, onii-chan?”

“Yeah, I’m fine!” He clears his throat.

“You’re not sick, are you, kid?” Leorio asks.

“I’m _fine_ ,” he repeats through gritted teeth.

“I’ve got medicine back at our hotel if you need any,” Leorio says.

“How many times do I have to say I’m fine? Don’t worry about it, I was just choking a little bit.”

Alluka hands him the cup of amazake she’d gotten at the festival. He takes a sip, thankful to have an excuse not to talk. He glances at Gon, whose eyes are transfixed down in obvious thought. He’s glad he caught everyone else’s attention, fearful of the direction their conversation was heading.

“What time is it?” he asks.

Kurapika pulls out his phone. “Five minutes left.”

Anticipation electrifies the air between them. While it really just signifies another rotation around the sun, a new year is exciting—full of endless possibility. Killua finds himself reflecting on years past. He thinks about the first New Year’s they all spent together as a group; he thinks about the first time he and Gon reunited after they went their separate ways; he thinks about their battle against the Phantom Troupe; he thinks about when they all first met at the Hunter’s Exam.

Everyone else’s train of thought must be on a similar path. “We’ve come a long way, haven’t we?” Kurapika murmurs.

Killua chuckles softly. “Yeah, for real.”

“I’m glad we all found our way back to each other,” Gon says. His voice is quiet, thoughtful—rather unlike his usual boisterous self.

“Yeah,” Leorio agrees.

They fall silent, fairly certain that they’re all thinking the same thing. Glad to be with their family to bring in the new year.

Everyone jumps and is suddenly brought back to reality when the first firework thunders and lights up the sky.

They all turn to look at each other with wide smiles. “Happy New Year!” they yell in unison.

Killua is surprised when Leorio and Kurapika face each other and bring their lips together in a kiss that begins to slowly deepen. He looks away quickly, suddenly remembering the town’s good luck tradition.

He feels something soft press against his own cheek and turns to look at Alluka. She’d kissed him on the cheek, and now gives him a bright, sweet smile. “Happy New Year, onii-chan.”

He can’t help mirroring her smile as he presses a kiss to her cheek. “Happy New Year, Alluka. Nanika, too.”

He turns to look at Gon now, who is still looking at Kurapika and Leorio. When he meets Killua’s gaze, there is a strange glint in his eyes.

“Happy New Year, Killua!” his voice peals.

“Happy N—” Killua is cut off by Gon’s face approaching his own at a speed too quick for him to avoid, and his eyes flutter closed at the feel of something warm and soft against his lips. _It feels good_. In the back of his head, the logical part of his brain realizes that he’s _kissing_ Gon, and that he should be freaking out. But the logical part of his brain is very much on the backburner at the moment, as his lips move of their own accord, responding tenderly to the kiss.

It’s nothing more than skin on skin, but it feels like more than that—Gon’s chapped lips brushing against his own, leaving electricity in their wake. It’s nothing more than a quick moment, but it feels like more than that—Killua’s entire being has been recentered to revolve around that single moment. It’s nothing more than a good luck tradition for the new year, but it feels like more than that—the pounding of his heart and the surprisingly-pleasant churning in his stomach solidify what he already knew.

_He’s hopelessly, head-over-heels in love with Gon._

That makes pulling away from him even harder, almost impossible, but Killua finds a way. He could’ve stayed there forever, but he knows it’s not real. It’s not what he really wants.

He manages to find some sliver of willpower inside of him to flash Gon a smile—a normal, best friend-type smile—but is unable to keep the squeak out of his voice. “H-happy New Year, Gon.”

It’s all Killua can do to turn away from Gon—who’s staring at him silently, eyes wider than normal—and face the fireworks as if nothing happened. As if his heart’s not about to beat out of his chest. As if his entire existence hadn’t just shifted in that moment.

“It’s so pretty!” Alluka coos, pointing at the sky.

Killua barely pays attention to the fireworks, and instead focuses solely on slowing his heartbeat and keeping a blush off his cheeks. It’s difficult, because every few seconds he remembers the feel of Gon’s lips on his own and has to start all over again.

By the end of the fireworks show, though, he has managed to settle down. Alluka cheers and claps her hands softly after the finale. “That was amazing!”

“That _was_ pretty good,” Kurapika agrees.

They all begin moving to make their way down the tree, deciding to just head back to their hotels and meet up again in the morning. The walk back to their hotel is quiet, both Gon and Killua saying little. He wonders if Alluka notices, but the way she keeps up a steady stream of exclamations over new things she’s noticing from the festival or the city, it’s doesn’t seem likely.

They say goodbye to Gon in the elevator of the hotel, as his room is on a different floor. As soon as the elevator doors close, Killua releases a deep breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

“Are you okay, onii-chan?” Alluka asks quietly.

Killua looks at her; her eyes are shrouded with worry. So she’d picked up on something, at least.

“I’m alright. Just a little tired.”

She holds his gaze a second longer, then nods. “Okay, if you say so.”

They reach their room and get ready for bed. As Killua is brushing his teeth, he hears a soft knock on the door. He doesn’t sense any malintent from the person’s aura, so he doesn’t worry too much when Alluka answers the door.

“Oh, hi Gon!”

His movements stop mid-brush. Why is Gon here? He listens carefully.

“Hey, Alluka. Is Killua asleep yet?”

“No, he’s in the bathroom. You need to talk to him?”

“Yeah, kinda.”

“Okay, come on in. He’s probably almost done.”

“Um, if it’s alright, I’ll just wait out here till he’s done. Will you ask him to meet me out here?”

“Uh, yeah. Okay,” she says slowly.

“Thanks. I’ll be out here.”

Killua hears the door shut and speeds through the rest of his tooth-brushing routine. Alluka knocks on the bathroom door. “Onii-chan?”

“Hey, Alluka. I heard him. I’m almost done. I’ll be out in a sec.”

When he emerges from the bathroom, Alluka gives him a curious look. He just shrugs in response, unsure of what Gon wants himself. He makes his way out into the hall.

Gon is leaning against the opposite wall, looking at his feet. He smiles at Killua when he sees him, but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “Hey, Killua.”

“Hey. What’s up? You good?”

He nods. “Fine. I don’t think I could sleep right now. I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Okay,” Killua says, drawing each syllable out in confusion.

They make their way out of the hotel and Killua regrets not grabbing his jacket before he left. They’re both silent the entire way, Killua waiting in anticipation for Gon to bring up whatever it is he wants to discuss.

Gon leads him down the sidewalk a little bit before stopping in the middle of a short bridge hovering over a small canal. The road is dotted with dim, round streetlights and few cars drive by.

“What’s wrong, Gon?” Killua says, finally breaking the silence. He’s worried—Gon is never this quiet, and he’s acting very serious.

Gon flicks his eyes up to meet Killua’s, and there is a heavy darkness pitted inside them. Killua’s never seen that kind of emotion in Gon’s transparent eyes before.

“I wanted to…check something,” Gon murmurs before moving closer and closer to Killua.

He doesn’t even have a moment to think about Gon’s statement or realize what’s happening before Gon has him trapped against the bridge rails, strong and solid arms on either side of his body. And in an instant, Gon’s lips are on his.

It’s different than their kiss before. Instantly frenzied, and Killua’s whole body feels hot despite his lack of jacket and the brittle, cold air surrounding them. Gon’s warm hands move to Killua’s waist, bringing their bodies impossibly close, and Killua can’t stop his own hands from threading into Gon’s hair.

His body is reacting on its own, with zero input from his brain. He tries to release quick, stuttering breaths from his nose as his body cries out for air, not wanting to separate his lips from Gon’s. Their lips move against each other insistently, as if they’re starving for each other. Gon’s lips feel so good— _too good_ —against his own.

When Killua’s brain finally does have a chance to catch up, and realize what is happening, it’s like being zapped with an electric shock. _What in the actual fuck is happening?_

Gasping, he pulls away, using his hands to keep Gon at bay. He slowly opens his eyes.

Gon’s pupils are blown out, eyes lidded, and cheeks red. He figures his own face looks pretty similar, although the flush burning his face is probably a lot more obvious on his pale face. He can barely hear the sound of his short breaths over the pounding of his heart.

“Gon…what are you doing?”

Gon releases a sharp breath, putting a little distance between the two of them. “Sorry, Killua.”

“Sorry? For what?” He raises his eyebrows.

“Kissing you without warning you. Or asking permission.”

“I-it’s fine,” he stammers. “But…why? Why did you?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about earlier. When we kissed.” He falls silent, but Killua nods wordlessly to get him to go on. “I liked it. A lot. And I didn’t know why.

“But then I kept thinking about what we were talking about, and I think I figured it out. Like what you were saying about the person you’re in love with, how they’re the only person you’ve ever wanted to touch. And I realized after we kissed earlier that I feel that way about you.”

Killua’s heart swells impossibly large in hope, while disbelief poisons his pumping blood with fear.

“I’m not totally sure, because I’ve never thought about it before tonight. All I know is that I want to kiss you all the time, Killua. I think I might be in love you.”

Killua swallows thickly, eyes growing even wider and pulse probably unhealthily fast. _This can’t be happening. This is literally impossible. I must’ve fallen asleep at the hotel already, and this is a dream. There is no possible way that this is real._

“And, I know you have someone you love already, so I won’t do anything like this again. I just wanted to test and make sure that I’m in love with you.” _In love with you…_ The words ring over and over again in the back of Killua’s mind. “Sorry for calling you out here all of a sudden.”

Killua clears his throat. Gon is too much. “S-so…you’re just going to be okay with being in love with me, knowing that I love someone else?”

“Hmm.” Gon puts his hand on his chin thoughtfully. Killua immediately misses the warmth from it on his waist, but revels in the electricity it leaves behind. “I don’t know. Now that I know, I understand what you were saying earlier about soulmates. It really does hurt to think about you being in love with someone else.”

“What if…the person I loved was _you_?” Killua’s logical, analytical mind has all but disappeared now. He chances a look at Gon, their gazes meeting intensely.

Gon blinks. “Well, that’d make the happiest person on earth, probably!” His accompanying grin is gleaming, blinding. With a quick nod, he adds, “Yeah, that would make me really happy.”

It’s more than Killua can bear. He literally feels his heart melting, and is aware of exactly how cliched that is. But it’s too much, and he can’t stop himself.

He brings their lips back together again, using a hand on the back of Gon’s neck to guide them closer. Gon’s response is quick—warm arms wrap around him as Gon deepens the kiss. He feels Gon place a hand on the side of his face delicately before Gon breaks the kiss. He is about to be disappointed, but then he feels Gon pressing sweet kisses all over his face, before moving down to his neck.

The feel of Gon’s lips on his neck is something he couldn’t have even imagined. His sharp breaths are the only sound ringing out into the night as Gon nips lightly at his collarbone. Killua’s hand finds its way back into Gon’s hair, tugging slightly.

“Gon…” he breathes.

Gon comes to a stop, bringing his forehead against Killua’s chest. He wonders if Gon can hear his thundering heartbeat.

“Man,” Gon says with an exhale. “I think I _really_ love you, Killua. I don’t ever want to stop kissing you.”

Killua gulps, and feels himself jumping off an imaginary ledge in his mind.

“Gon…I…love you too, y’know.”

Gon is quiet for a moment, still clutching Killua tightly. Then, he perks up quickly and looks Killua directly in the eyes. “Really?” he practically shouts.

Killua averts his gaze, aware of the deepening of the blush on his cheeks. “Of course, idiot. This whole time I was talking about _you_.”

“No way!”

He lets out a breathy chuckle. “Yes way. I love you, Gon… _a lot_.”

Killua begins to panic when Gon stays silent for much longer than he expected. Slowly, he turns his eyes back to him to check why he’s so quiet.

Gon’s face is screwed up into a pout, eyes watery. He’s on the verge of crying, Killua realizes.

“Hey, what are you doing, idiot?”

“I’m just so happy!” Gon cries. “Killua loves me!”

Killua groans loudly, hanging his head in the crook of Gon’s neck. “Shut up, idiot. You’re so embarrassing.”

Killua feels Gon’s giggle rumble through his throat. “Yeah, but you _love_ me.”

He stays silent for a moment.

“Yeah. I do.”

Another giggle. “Happy New Year, Killua. I think this is going to be a good year…”

He takes a deep breath and can’t help the smile that curls on his face. “Yeah, it is. Happy New Year, Gon.”

**Author's Note:**

> So there wasn’t supposed to be a confession at all when I originally started this fic, it was kinda supposed to end with a steamy makeout scene…But apparently, I like love confessions. Or writing them, at least. Which is weird because I don’t typically enjoy reading them.
> 
> I pretty firmly believe that the second Gon realizes he has feelings for Killua, he would act on them immediately. Or at least tell Killua about them. As much as I love pining and that stuff, unless there’s some reason Gon can’t act on those feelings (which maybe that could inspire future fics), he wouldn’t hide them. I feel like it’s much more likely that Gon doesn’t understand what his feelings are, as opposed to understands them and just keeps them hidden out of fear of rejection or whatever. Gon would want Killua to know his feelings, even if he thought Killua didn’t feel the same way. Anyways, that’s just my view on it lol, you’re welcome to have your own opinion ofc.


End file.
